Do you ever find yourself thinking "I don't have time for this." It usually comes when you are feeling frustrated and exasperated. When you wish someone would airlift you out of the situation and take you somewhere else. I recently found myself in that particular situation. I was putting myself under a lot of pressure to get things done yesterday. Through lifting that pressure, I learned a little truth about time.
About 6 weeks before my summer holiday I had begun to feel stressed and run down. What I really wanted was to take a break but with my holiday so close I found myself thinking " I need to get ahead and get a little more done before my holiday. After that, I can relax."
My mind was super busy all the time, I started to ditch my exercise routine. I stopped taking breaks in favour of getting more done even though I was tired. It became increasingly hard to switch off. I started to feel weepy before a conference call one evening. "I don't have time for this", I thought. It felt like I had to keep going despite how I felt.
I was pushing myself relentlessly and was denying myself what I needed. I was putting so much pressure to get everything done before I could "earn" a break. Trying to run on empty felt horrible as I am sure many of you will know. What I really needed was to press pause but I was convinced everything was going to fall apart if I didn't keep going at full speed.
I decided to admit defeat in the fight against my emotions. At the same time, it felt like a definite win for self-love. I stopped fighting against the urge to slow down and gave in to how I really felt. The best thing I could do was just go with it. I took a few lazy days. I saw my scheduled clients, did some yoga, walked, took naps, and caught up on reading.
Guess what, Nothing happened. My scheduled work went out as normal (I schedule my writing work ahead of time). My inbox filled up a little. No one complained that I didn't answer them instantly. Life continued. The washing piled up as it often does. I felt like I had a crushing headache then after a few days, I felt better so I went back to work.
At the moment I am focussing on taking it easy when I can and stopping when I needed to. I am trying to listen to how I feel rather than ignoring it. Life didn't fall apart when I slowed down as I feared. It appears I do have time to give myself what I want and need. Some things carry on without me and the things that stopped patiently wait for my return.
Time is there whether or not you use it. There are always 24 hour hours in a day and there is only so much that is physically possible in that time. No one can ever ask any more of themselves than that. There is always now and there is always tomorrow.