Category: Freedom

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Asterisk Challenge Yourself and Explore Who You Are
13/11/2017 Lynne Mclean Brown in Creativity / No comments

I have created a new offering and I am super excited about how it is going so far. If you haven’t already heard, The self-reflection challenge is made up of 30 light and encouraging videos. Best of all this challenge is free and self-paced and has no end date! This challenge will be ready whenever you want to catch up on videos, start it all over again or share it with someone.

Each video discusses a different prompt or question that is designed to help you think about:

How you see yourself

What self-care means to you

Self-love and compassion

What really matters to you, dreams goals and other magical stuff!

The challenge covers a wide range of topics to help you reflect in a fun, useful and maybe even a little challenging way.


Self Reflection Challenge

 

Sharing what you are learning from each video is a great way of getting the most out of this challenge. Let others encourage you and also let others know what you think about their comments.

I will be answering each question along with you so you can get to know me a little too. I have to admit that I am feeling the fear and doing it anyway with this challenge but I  believe who we are, deserves to be seen, showed off and celebrated. Our dreams and ideas are important!

 

If you want to explore life coaching, self-care, being who you are unapologetically and self-love then you can sign up for my newsletter to receive updates, inspiration and the occasional freebie!
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Asterisk What Are You Hiding?
23/10/2017 Lynne Mclean Brown in Acceptance / No comments

What are you hiding

where are you hiding

Recently I was in Gdansk with my husband for a mini-break. We took advantage of our temporary child-free status and signed up for one of the city’s free walking tours. If you haven’t been to Gdansk I would recommend seeing the city via one of these walking tours. You get to hear so many unique stories and are shown so many little details. It was interesting to see the things that are easy to miss as you take in the scenery around you.

The tale of the rich merchants of Gdansk

If you have been to Gdansk, you will know that the old town is a stunning mixture of medieval, gothic and renaissance architecture. During our walking tour, our guide showed us the Dlugi Targ (Long Street) and its opulent-looking townhouses of the rich merchants of the middle ages.  He told us stories of how the merchants designed their houses. The design was a grand display of their wealth. They used Roman gods and myths to decorate their houses to also display their values to their customers. They wanted to demonstrate that they were good, honest and fair tradespeople as well being wealthy and successful.

As we wandered through the city listening to the tales of the merchants, I began to think about how we show ourselves to others today. The merchants of Gdansk used their houses to convey the values they had to others. Nowadays, I think it is less likely that we would decorate the outside of our homes to show who we are. We do, however, consume home decor to display our personality, values and taste.

Gdansk old town
Photo by Andrea Anastasakis on Unsplash

When it comes to who we are, we try to display a side of ourselves that is going to be accepted by others. We want to be liked and viewed favourably just like the Gdansk merchants. These townhouses were all about generating trust, business contracts and wealth. We may do the same in our work with the way we present ourselves to others. I think it is also true that we display ourselves in a certain way personally too.

How do you want to be seen?

I began to think about what hid behind those opulent fronts. All the family quarrels, hidden debts and imperfections. We play the game of hiding and displaying the “appropriate” sides of who we are in certain situations. You may have felt the conflict of doing this if you have ever been in the company of two very different social circles. For example, as a teenager I remember acting a certain way with my friends but I certainly modified myself when I was in front of my parents. If the two were ever in the same company simultaneously, I became nervous about trying to be both a fun and playful friend as well as the sensible and dutiful daughter. If you have ever felt this internal clash between the two sides of yourself then you will know what I mean.

We adapt and display different parts of who we are in different settings. This got me to thinking about the sides of myself I used to or still do struggle to hide (or struggle to stop hiding!) I used to hide my own thoughts and opinions with certain groups of people for fear of being judged. In discussions, I often kept quiet and agreed to things that I really didn’t like in favour of going along with the group. At times, I have hidden the part of me that wants bright red hair and turquoise nail polish because “it’s not what a sensible, thirty-something, mum does”. I have kept quiet about the part of me that hated my partner’s job because it paid well. Where have you hidden? Where have you dampened your spirit in favour of going along with the convention?

Be who you are

It can be a dangerous game to censor ourselves too readily. A little censorship can be helpful if you are a merchant trying to land a lucrative contract but be careful not to hide too much of yourself. Being you is what make life fun and free. Our differences and passions, our uniqueness and quirkiness are our greatest gifts and to hide them away from the world never to be enjoyed is a tragedy.

My nails are currently decorated like turquoise mermaid tails and my hair is a vibrant burgundy (according to the box). I may be the only mum at the parents meeting at school with winged eyeliner and bright nails but that is me. It is what makes me different and unique and hiding those parts of me is such a shame. I’d rather let myself shine whenever I can. I am done hiding and I recommend you ditch it too. When you are who you are unapologetically, it is so much easier. You do not feel the clash of being who you should be and who you are. You don’t have to manage several identities. It’s much less work and much more honest. Most importantly, there is less pressure to be something you are not which is freeing and liberating!

How do you stop hiding?

Can you notice when you tell yourself what you should be doing? If you can notice it and question whether you really need to compromise, this is the first step to stopping hiding. I have started asking myself, “Who do you want to be here?” and I find it really helpful.  Do you want to be the girl who stays quiet or the one who speaks up? The brilliant thing is that the choice is yours from each second to the next. You can make a change as you are ready and when it suits you. You can be brave and put yourself out there or choose to stay quiet and safe when you feel vulnerable. We all have a choice and that is where the freedom lies.

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Asterisk How Much Pressure Do You Put On Yourself?
18/09/2017 Lynne Mclean Brown in Coaching / 2 responses

How much pressure do you put on yourself?

how much pressure do you put on yourself?

 

Pressure seems to be a part of modern life. There is the pressure to be successful in our relationships, careers and finances. There is the pressure to do the right thing and act the right way. Let’s not forget the pressure to look great while you are being successful. Much of our pressure comes from the society we live in. We receive messages about what is expected from the media, institutions and those around us but how much pressure do you pile onto yourself every day?

Have you ever noticed you telling yourself what you should and shouldn’t be doing? Maybe you told yourself that you should pull yourself together or shouldn’t let things get to you? These are the types of should or shouldn’t statements add pressure. They are a reflection of a judgement or a value we are placing on something. In my experience, the judgement is a critical one about how I should be more than I am.   Do you feel the pressure like a hard lump in your throat that you struggle to swallow?

I often talk to clients who tell me who they should and shouldn’t be something other than they are. They should be stronger, braver, more grateful and work harder or faster.  They shouldn’t care so much, let things get on top of them, take things to heart, or complain.

pressure of should and shouldn't
Photo by Cynthia Magana on Unsplash

It can be pretty gut-wrenching when we first notice the pressure we put on ourselves. Most of us would never ask anyone else to be more than they are and pile on the pressure in the same way. Why do we do it to ourselves?

Should and shouldn’t statements are often based on values and ideals which on its own isn’t a bad thing. What is bad is the judgement that we attached to it. When we judge how we are doing things and use it as a method of self-criticism. We use the words should and shouldn’t to imply that we are not doing something we are supposed to be. It adds a layer of pressure, of guilt and

We add a layer of pressure, of guilt and potentially shame as we internalise these ideas and what it means about us. For example, when I am behind on my writing and I tell myself that I should have written more, I feel guilty and lacking in my work (guilt) I could go even further by telling myself I am a bad writer (shame).

Can you notice the next time you are using should and shouldn’t to criticise yourself?

Are you putting too much pressure on yourself?

Should and shouldn’t statements can but are a powerful weapon used by our inner critic can you imagine how life would feel if you could stop craving to be different than you are.  If you could believe that you do not need to be fixed.

You should not be any different to how you are. What you do is enough what you are is always enough.

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Asterisk This Is How You Lose Yourself
28/08/2017 Lynne Mclean Brown in Freedom / No comments

How to lose yourself

This is how you lose yourself

Do you have fierce dreams or do you remember a time when you did? Have you ever felt limitless, like nothing was going to stand in your way?

I remember feeling this way after I left high school and was at university. My dreams were all about how I was going to change the world. By helping people, by working for charities and getting my PhD. I was going to travel and maybe even start my own charity supporting women affected by gender based violence.

There is no denying that I have been blessed, I have never gone hungry and I have always had a bed to sleep in. I have people who support me and I have love in my life. My bills have always gotten paid (eventually) so my question is that enough to be happy? Is that all we need? Once we have those things should we consider ourselves fulfilled? Because let’s face it, others have it worse don’t they?

Lucky Me

Around 5 years ago I had an amazing house, two wonderful children, I didn’t need to work, we had a nice car and could afford a holiday once a year. we could eat out when we wanted and I could buy things without checking my bank balance first. I ran my own small business and my husband had 6 months of the year at home with us. My life was everything you would call conventional success but the one thing that was missing was that I was miserable

I told myself that I was lucky as there are so many people who were worse off than I was. That I couldn’t have it all and that I should just focus on being grateful rather kicking up a fuss. I got caught up in all the day to day responsibilities of ‘adulting’. It felt like stability and security were the most important things. It was time to ditch the dreams and get realistic about what was important. I didn’t need dreams of travel or having a career I loved because my life was safe. Boring but safe.

Off Track

Have you ever looked at your life and realised you went in a different direction than you intended? It is a perfectly adequate life but it doesn’t really light you up? You are filling your days with the things you are supposed to be doing rather than the things that excite and inspire you.

Did you do what was ‘best’, not what you wanted?
Did you tame yourself in some way?
Maybe you dampen your spirit?
Did you decide it was time to grow up rather than live a wild life?
Were there times when you stay quiet and pretend you didn’t mind?
Did you get stuck on the hamster wheel of getting things done?
This is how to lose yourself.

If you find yourself off track then the way back to what you really want is to remove the layers of obligations, responsibilities and objects, whatever is in the way of your happiness and those fierce dreams. It is adding something that lights you up to your life. Say yes to your wild dreams and no to convention when it isn’t making you happy. Be who you are unapologetically and reach for what excites you.

Do not feel guilty, you are worthy of happiness and the life you dream of. Money and conventional success are great if it excites you. But if it doesn’t leave you inspired and enthusiastic about the future then ditch it. You are not ungrateful for wanting something different to what you have. You cannot make yourself happy in a situation that is not what you truly want.

how to lose yourself
Photo by Jaime Handley on Unsplash
Why Shouldn’t We Aim For An Amazing Life?

Once your basic needs are met you do not lose the right to complain. A comfortable and stable life is not necessarily the ideal life for everyone. You cannot stop yourself from having wild and adventurous dreams because others are not as fortunate as you are. By all means, do your bit as a responsible citizen, help where you can, support others who need it.

Dare To Dream

It is fundamental in my opinion that everyone should have the right to be fed, clothed and sheltered. As is health care and education but here I am heading towards a political discussion that distracts from my point. The right to happiness is also important. The right to have dreams and unconventional desires. Dare to dream of an amazing life whether it be a home by the sea, an endless supply of books, or the opportunity to travel. Don’t let what makes you who you are be sidelined for anything. Our dreams make us unique and they are far too important to be given up on or forgotten.

Would you like to find ways to fit more of what you love into your every day? Download my free day planner and make room for the things that excite and inspire you.

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Asterisk Why Play Is Important For Adults Too
21/08/2017 Lynne Mclean Brown in Freedom / No comments

Why Play Is Important For Adults Too

 

Why Play Is Important For Adults Too

 

Like many families, there are times when my family life involves a lot of working, juggling and scheduling. I started my own business in January which has understandably brought a lot to my plate. Meanwhile, my husband has been working really long hours at the office after a period of layoffs and restructuring.

Recently, a long public holiday weekend appeared on the horizon of my husband’s schedule. He had booked time off earlier in the year to care for our two children who would not have childcare or school. I had already decided to work through the public holiday in favour of getting stuff done!

When my husband announced he was planning a weekend’s camping at the beach, I decided I was not willing to miss out on family time at the beach. With some juggling and hustling, I managed to join them and make the most of the long weekend.

Take me to the beach

I love the beach, it is one of my most favourite places. Hearing the waves and feeling the sand on my bare feet never fails to relax me.  This is one of the reasons that I jumped at the chance at a camping trip.  I was so busy and tired of “adulting” I wanted to take a break with my three favourite people in my favourite place.

On our trip, we spent a lot of time on the beach with the children. We played in the sand and had fun directing a stream that came down across the beach and into the sea. Then we created little waterways and watched the water flow through them. Our waterway system became quite complex as we built dams and broke them and re-patched them.

At one point my husband and I realised we had not only spent most of the day doing this but also the children had ditched us in favour of digging a large hole nearby.  We laughed as we realised that we were playing on our own and we were enjoying every moment of it.

play is important for adults
Photo by Juja Han on Unsplash

We played

What we experienced was something in addition to precious family time. We were being silly and imaginative and there was no more clock watching. We used our hands to create something purely for fun. It was play.

As adults, we don’t really value our own playtime. It tends to be something we do with the children for their benefit. Play in adults is often considered immature or unproductive. We discourage this type of behaviour in favour of more serious and responsible activities. For us, playing with the sand on that warm day was most definitely to our benefit.

As we played, I felt a stiffness in my shoulders as I began to relax the tightened muscles there. I felt lighter and more at ease. I stopped planning ahead and juggling. We didn’t think about work or schedules or the to do list. Instead, we made dams and then opened them up and watched the water flow freely again. We experienced a lightness that was not available in our current hectic schedules. Everything felt energised and happy after our messy day on the sand.

Making room for play

Play should not be reserved for children. The opportunity to step away from the responsibilities that exist at the moment give us energy, clarity and creativity.  Fun for funs sake should not be a privilege only for the young.

Studies show that play is benefitial for children. We encourage the children in our lives to play because we want them to be happy, relaxed and creative people.  We support them to use their imagination and feel free through play.

Why are we denying this opportunity to ourselves once we “grow up”? Imagine a world where we could embrace play as an important part of adult life. Where messing around in the sand dunes as adults was encouraged or even recommended.

Find opportunities to be playful. Give yourself permission to play like a child. Be messy and creative and enjoy activities purely for fun rather than any outcome or goal. Notice how the children in your life and allow themselves to be silly, be playful and imaginative for no other reason than it is fun. Play is a pathway to feeling free and happy. No one should be denied that, regardless of their age.

Can you describe your life as fun? Working with a life coach like me can help you work out what is important so you can create a life filled with more fun. Find out more about what a life coach and other FAQs.

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Asterisk Learn to love Yourself
19/06/2017 Lynne Mclean Brown in Freedom / 2 responses

love yourself

Love yourselfI talk about and promote self-care in my work because it was one of the first methods I used to recover from a very dark period. A time when I was depressed, anxious and had totally lost touch with any sense fun and freedom. I was so out of practice with showing myself love or kindness.

It was this experience that inspires my coaching business and writing today. I continue learning about myself and what works for me, I then share with you.

Every day, I learn a little more. There are parts of who I am that I love but I want more than that. True self-love is a process of learning to accept every inch of who you are. This means every lump and bump, every kind bone our bodies as well as every petty and needy bit too.

The journey towards self-love

I have learned that self-care is an important part of the journey but it is not the only thing needed to feel happy relaxed and free.  You have got to give yourself love and acceptance.

As the kid who was told she was nobody, on most of her schooling it has been difficult to let go of the idea that the people who bullied me were right. I hid away because ultimately, I felt flawed.

I hid away both the positive and negative parts to keep myself safe. This was very effective in such a traumatic situation. Like a hedgehog, I rolled up into a ball and kept my warm and soft centre tightly under wraps.

I used self-care as a first step to loosening up and to learn to let myself be valid and visible. As someone with needs worth considering. This involved making myself a priority without feeling guilty or bad. That was not easy, I can tell you!

The next step

In coach training, I was encouraged to focus on the gifts and skills that are uniquely mine. What have I to offer the world? This is an incredibly difficult thing to comprehend when you are used to hiding away. When you are so fearful of your brokenness being exposed to the world. I wanted so badly to not be ruined by my experiences as that bullied kid. I wanted it to mean something.

love your sparkle
Credit: unsplash.com

This is one of the main reasons that I became a coach and writer. I want to make every lesson learned and every ounce of pain worthwhile. It is important to me to create something that can give comfort and strength. I want to help people move past what is holding them back. No one is deeply flawed even if they believe it to be true. We are all enough and amazing just as we are.

Now that I am on the journey to explore those parts I have kept so hidden. I am finding there isn’t so much scary broken stuff as I thought. My broken bits are also just like everyone else’s. I’m not so unique in the bits I try to hide. It is a terrifying thing to put myself out there and risk judgement but wow how the payback is worth it! I’m paid in confidence and freedom, lessons and experiences. I am paid with a full life.

A new approach

I am adding an additional focus to my business. I am not only going to tell you to look after yourself. Accepting and loving yourself is just as important. That when you are tired and overwhelmed and feel like life is just neverendingly difficult. Being able to love yourself, accept yourself as you are and show yourself kindness is just as important as taking care of yourself.

All that love you pour out to your friends, your family, partner and children. Can you imagine if you showed yourself the same love? It’s difficult, to begin with. It feels like the most unnatural thing in the world at first. You’d rather pull your teeth out with pliers. If you can gently but persistently learn to like something about yourself and nurture it and care for it. one day you may like it and then maybe even come to love it.

Loving yourself is a gift

To love yourself is the greatest gift you can give yourself and to those around you. I started trying to love myself for my kid’s sake. I wanted them to love themselves and be lead by my example. Furthermore, it was really important to me to heal over my childhood. I also wanted to be more open and honest with those I care about. I don’t want to hide bits of myself away. It is important that I  am fully present rather than focusing on hiding and keeping myself safe. I want more.

I want more. Taking care of myself wasn’t all that I needed to do. My next step has been towards learning to love myself. I deserve a full life not limited by the worry that I am not enough. I am good enough as I am, so are you.

You are awesome

Why are we as women not relaxed? Why are we always worrying what everyone else thinks and wants? Wouldn’t it be great if we could we focus comfortably on ourselves?

I want to love me and I want to see my daughter grow up as a woman who loves herself. I want her to learn that putting herself first isn’t selfish or narcissistic. Self-love is important because she is important. I don’t want her to be limited by fear of her flaws and fear of judgement. I want her to love every inch of herself even the imperfections. My hope is that she will love herself as I love her. We should love ourselves as much as those around us do.

A Message

If you do not love yourself of even like yourself right now this doesn’t mean that you are not worthy of love. You are capable of anything. You are loved and valued and enough and important. Even your anxiety, even your shyness. every fear you have is worthy of your love.

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Asterisk 5 ways to be more Honest
05/06/2017 Lynne Mclean Brown in Freedom / No comments

I have a nasty habit of saying yes when I mean no. Another bad habit I have is that say I am fine when I am not. I want to be more honest and I had no idea how to go about it. So, this is how my experience gave birth to a plan. This is how I am working on being more open and honest.

5 Ways to be More Honest

We say things that undermine our integrity. We say we do not mind to keep the peace, we say that we things are fine, we hide our disappointment, we try to protect others from being hurt. This can leave us feeling angry and frustrated.

What about other people’s feelings?

I am not talking about being nasty, many people hold back because they don’t want to hurt people’s feelings. If you’re having that conversation with yourself in the first place my guess is that you aren’t mean.

There is a clear difference between being honest and being nasty. Telling someone what you need, telling them what you want isn’t mean. Telling them what they should do and make judgments is very different to talking about what you need and how you feel.

For example, we all have a friend who is continually late. Telling that friend they are a rude and terrible person who needs to get a watch is mean however saying I need to you to be on time because it feels disrespectful when you are late is honest. Talk about what you want and need rather than your opinion of what the what the other person is or should or should not be doing.

Say no when you mean no

When you are too busy say so. If you haven’t got time say no to extra tasks. It has taken a lot of practice to me to get the hang of this one but on most days, I am glad to say have the hang of it.

Saying yes to stuff that we don’t really have the time, energy or inclination for leaves us feeling frustrated and taken advantage of.  Ultimately we have to take charge of looking after ourselves. Save your energy for the things you really want and need to do. I bet that the person you say no to won’t even give it a second thought.

honest

Don’t put others feelings before your own

Thinking about how others are going to react to you can be misleading. Ultimately, we cannot see inside an another person’s head or predict their reaction. Don’t preconceive how others will react to what you say or do. What people think is their business what you think is yours.  Do you want people around you to sugar coat stuff and tell you what you want to hear or do you want the truth?  Don’t treat others any differently. You might be surprised that people want to hear your opinions and know how you feel.

It is possible that people will love the thought you are so afraid to share. Even if they do not like what you say at least you are putting your real thoughts out there to be heard. Their reaction whether positive or negative is to your honest thought not to some lie you used to protect yourself. People are going to get mad either way whether you pick the lie or honesty. Wouldn’t you rather you were arguing about something real?

Tell people what you want

Don’t beat around the bush. If you would rather not eat Italian food on your next night out, say so. Don’t make an excuse. Be honest. I often say I don’t mind or it doesn’t matter when in fact the opposite it true. Those around you are taking you on your word. They are not double checking to see if you actually mean it. I am not talking about the times when you truly don’t mind. Think about how many times you actually do have an opinion but don’t want to express it.

Stop saying it’s ok when it isn’t

If you ever find yourself saying “I’m fine” through gritted teeth, you’re not fooling anyone! My husband is well acquainted with this one (sorry, darling!). It occurred to me recently that I am not doing anyone any favours by holding my tongue. If I could tell the truth and say what is really bothering me I am guessing that is going to allow me to move on from the issue quicker.  Letting things simmer away and pretending they are fine just means you are stuffing down what you are feeling.

Learn to like yourself

You are a good and worthy person who deserves, to be honest, and open with yourself and those around you.  What has liking yourself got to do with honesty? Liking who you are makes you less likely to want to hide your thoughts and ideas away. You have just as much to offer as anyone else. Loving yourself means not hide yourself or what you want from yourself of the world around you.

Own your voice, be who you are. Don’t hide what you want or wait for others to guess. You are in charge of you. Making your needs heard is important it’s also respectful to yourself and others. Don’t end up frustrated and unheard because you never really expressed yourself because you thought of everyone else all the time

What are you afraid to be honest, what do you fear? Is it worth dulling your shine, it is worth not letting yourself be seen over? You are worthy of the honesty and so are those around you.

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Asterisk Free yourself from Self-Judgement
31/05/2017 Lynne Mclean Brown in Empowerment / No comments

free yourself from self-j

self judgement

Have you ever noticed yourself focusing on what you think you should and shouldn’t be doing? The sort of thoughts that add pressure to a situation, for example, “you should just get on with things”, “you shouldn’t let it bother you”. These types of thoughts can often be a means of self-judgement.

They are a reflection of a value we are placing on ourselves or our situation. Most often the judgment isn’t a nice one. It feels hard and restricting like a hard lump in your throat that you have to force down.

I should be doing more

Recently, I found myself skipping exercise in favour of getting work done. I felt like I was behind on my blog and my first e-course launch was imminent. It felt like there just wasn’t enough time.

Pushing through my work and putting off breaks seemed like the solution. I started eating lunch at my desk (which is a pet hate of mine) to get more done. I kept telling myself that my work should be my main focus and that I shouldn’t be taking time off when I was behind. It all sounds very hard and restrictive, doesn’t it? I can tell you that it felt that way too.

Giving into I want

When I gave into taking a walk in the sunshine, I felt better (no surprise there). I even came up with the idea for this article during my walk. Ironically, I made more progress with my work while taking a break than the previous hour where I had sat at the computer willing inspiration to come and then distracting myself on Facebook.

Consciously I know that exercising and getting outside are both good habits. I know that they make me feel good and keep me well. There is, however, another part of me that fights this. The one that tells me I should sit at my desk until I have created a reasonable amount of output. The part that criticises and makes the judgments and generally tells me I am not enough as I am.

I’m like Pinocchio when he meets honest John and Gideon the cat and decides to join Stromboli’s puppet show instead of going to school. I start off down a road where I believe that I need to work harder and change what I am doing. There is the thought that I am not a good enough writer. I fall into the trap of listening to these judgements and believing them. In these moments it is hard to remember the truth.

Freedom from self-judgement
photo credit: unsplash.com
Enough as you are

Can you believe you are enough as you are? You do not need to be perfect ever. Please do not aim for a prettier, smarter, more organised, or more capable version of yourself.

You do not need to deny yourself the things you need. How you show up in the world every day is just how you should be. You are important and valuable. You are doing your best and that is all that is ever required.

Should and shouldn’t statements can be a powerful weapon used by our inner critic. Imagine how your life would look if you could stop wanting to be different than you are?

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Asterisk How do I know I’m doing the right thing?
22/05/2017 Lynne Mclean Brown in Facing Challenges / No comments

the right thing

 

How do I Know I am doing the right thing?

Change is scary and overwhelming. I think most of us would agree on that. Feeling fear is natural emotion. It is nature’s way of stopping the humans from getting eaten by bears in big dark caves. Fear has the function of helping us question things and weigh up risks. Fear also paralyses us. It stops us from making progress like a deer caught in headlights.

Fear feels vile, that tight, restricting, cold disabling feeling in the pit of your stomach. You ask yourself is everything going to be ok? Will everything work out?  You feel like you need some proof, some evidence that what you are going through is going to reap rewards. You wish there was someone with a crystal ball who could come and tell you that you are not making a mistake. How do we navigate fear? How do we know when to leap into the dark cave or run for the hills?

Personally, I am on the verge of something big within my business and I am terrified. My terror is based around the idea that this big business opportunity may actually succeed. What if I can’t handle it? Am I ready? What if I screw it up?

So, I have taken to give myself pep talks. I remind myself of how much I want this and how it doesn’t need to be perfect. What I have to offer is enough. I have something amazing to share and that can only be a positive thing for those who are looking for it.

There have been tougher challenges than this one and there will no doubt be tougher ones in the future. I will conquer this one challenge. Whether this latest opportunity works out or not. I am still me. I will still be of value and have something positive to offer the world around me. This one event is not the making and breaking of me or my business. It is only a part of the story, a part of my journey, its success is not a measuring stick for my own worth. I take a deep breath, I shake off the fear for a little while and I proceed.

Will it be worth it?

When we are facing a big challenge or change we ask ourselves if it will be worth all the blood sweat and tears? Will the reward be worth the hard work? Are we doing the right thing or will we come to regret our choice?

 Ultimately we can never know what the future holds but we can ask ourselves, “what is it worth?”  Are your dreams worth the risk? How will you feel when you achieve this goal? what is the feeling you are hoping to capture? Freedom, success, joy, pride? Find the feeling behind the change you want to make. If what you are striving for is going to give you that feeling then keep going. Your dreams are worth the risk of disappointment. What you want from life is worth the gamble.

For example, If the goal you are striving for is to feel healthy and good in your body. Is this feeling worth the daunting task of showing up as the new girl at that exercise class?

Think about how your goal will make you feel and how badly do you want to feel that way. Is it worth what you are going through now? Are you willing to take a leap to escape what isn’t working, to risk the change you want so badly? Does safe and unsatisfying feel worse or better than taking the risk?

make a change take a risk
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Kill your fear, not your aspirations

You can deal with the fear, you can big yourself up and remind yourself of your awesomeness. You can learn self-belief and confidence. We can practice taking risks. We can deal with our fear because after all, it’s only an emotion (admittedly a potentially powerful one).

Your dreams and goals however are, the things you care about.  The dreams we have for ourselves cannot be successfully forgotten and ignored forever. what we really want from life is anchored in who we are even if we aren’t aware of it. If we can shift the fear out of the way or push through its jungle then maybe we can get to the things what we want in life

How do I know it’s not a knee-jerk reaction that I’ll regret?

Can you trust your intuition? Deep down we always know the right way ahead for ourselves. Being able to trust our own intuition is the best guide for knowing if we are doing the right thing. It can be hard to admit it or access that quiet but steady inner voice but it is there.

The choice is yours. It is never too late, you can choose and re-choose. You can change your mind, we all have the freedom to decide to be brave. You have it within you to know and achieve what you really want, whether that’s a life in the country, running your own business or traveling the world. It’s within you like a nagging desire that won’t be silenced so don’t try. Go with it, take a risk!

You have it within you to know and achieve what you really want, whether that’s a life in the country, running your own business or traveling the world. It is within you, that nagging desire that won’t be silenced, so don’t try.

Go with it, take a risk!

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Asterisk How Messy Can Be Beautiful
01/05/2017 Lynne Mclean Brown in Empowerment / No comments

I show up in the world imperfectly. Messy is my middle name. I don’t really know what I am doing most of the time.  I make it up as I go along and that means I make mistakes. These are the parts of me that used to make me stressed, but at the moment I actually love those parts of myself.  I care less and less about hiding my ditzy side.

 

messy is beautiful

I’m a bit of a hurricane

I’m not a professional writer, I failed my higher grade English. If my spelling and grammar checker misses an error, I probably won’t notice it either. If I put a blog post out with a typo, I’m ok with that.

My blog posts all have an update button and I am not afraid to use it. I write with honesty, love and openness. I write about what feels good, in a way that feels good.  My style of writing will change as I practice and develop my skills but  I am in no rush to become more polished just yet.

I’m a messy haired, hole in my sock, loose my keys in my handbag kind of woman. Sometimes I’m late and I forget stuff. To use a great Scottish word, I am hallyracket and a bit of a hurricane. But I’m good with that, I finally love those parts of myself.

I used to hide those characteristics and see them as flaws.  I always felt like I needed to pull myself together. The thought that I didn’t have my ducks in a row, was one that would cause me worry and shame.  I felt like I really should be a better adult. The truth is I’m just fine as an adult, an adult who does things her own way and isn’t afraid to makes mistakes anymore.

Freedom

The feeling of not having to be perfect is addictive. It feels freeing and it makes my life so much simpler and easier. I choose to let myself off the hook, to love every part of myself. It is an act of self-compassion and an act of self-acceptance. We are all ok as we are, we are all beautiful even in our worst moments.

It has taken great practice and there are still days when I will get caught up in what I think I should be doing. Gratefully, there is beauty in the fact that I can accept the error. I will be hard on myself sometimes and I will remind myself that is not how I want to be. A life of failing to measure up to an impossible standard is not what I choose. I choose compassion, I choose acceptance and I choose kindness.

Love your messiness

Choose to love everything about yourself.  You can decide to show yourself love and compassion.  The way you show up in the world is perfect and acceptable. Be comfortable with the fact that you don’t have a clue where you are going or what you are doing.

Give yourself permission to make it up as you go along.  You get to choose how you treat yourself and how you feel about who you are. What do you choose?

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